How to answer tough questions

Becoming a Christian Would Ruin My Sex Life

Conversation Stopper

Christians are repressed and apparently so is God. He wants people to stop having fun for “heaven” knows why. What can possibly be wrong with two people who love each other expressing that in an enjoyable and intimate way? For that matter, why is “friends with benefits" such a problem? Christians need to lighten up and enjoy life instead of meddling in other people’s private affairs.

Assumptions

  • As long as no one is hurt sex between two consenting adults is fine.
  • I have a deep need to love and be loved and for identity, significance and belonging.
  • I am also afraid, feel inadequate, vulnerable (need to be protected).
  • I am bored with life and also jealous of what others are experiencing sexually.
  • I don’t want someone else telling me how to run my life.
  • I’m having fun right now and don’t want to change.
  • Christians are pushy people who should mind their own business.
  • It is clear that God hates sex.
  • Sex is for pleasure alone not for building a marriage relationship that reflects God’s relationship with his bride, the Church.

Talking Points

  • We long for relationship and God created us that way.
  • God created us as sexual beings and wants the best for us.
  • Sex is great and God is in favor of it. He invented it.
  • Have you ever read the Song of Solomon in the Old Testament? You ought to. It’s a love poem.
  • Once again from the Bible, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer…may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love” (Proverbs 5:18-19).
  • God created sex for pleasure, to bind husband and wife together and to produce off spring.
  • He, as the creator, knows what is best for us and what makes us “operate” most effectively. Because sex is so powerful God gave us guidelines for using it.
  • Dynamite though powerful for good if not used carefully is destructive. It needs to be contained and used the way it was meant to be used.
  • Fire in the fireplace produces warmth and comfort but fire destroys when out of the fireplace and in the house. Fire is good only when it is contained in a safe place.
  • In order for sex to be good and not destroy God puts boundaries on it. Though sex is great, outside God’s boundaries it hurts people. It destroys. Have your parents divorced or have you ever known anyone whose parents divorced because of an affair? Did that sex outside marriage hurt anyone or was it just fun and wonderful for everyone involved, even the spouse and the kids? Have you or have you had a friend who was “dumped” after a sexual relationship outside the commitment in marriage. How lasting is the pleasure?
  • There are also deeper issues here. As human beings have deep need to love and be loved, for belonging, significance, identity and more. Often these needs get “sexualized” and we try to meet these needs through sex.
  • While sex may temporarily dull the pain, over time it does not satisfy, causes pain and leaves us even more unsatisfied.
  • Can you trust that God has your best in mind? God gave the good gift of sex along with the guidelines for it that are good for you. Finally, God came to earth, lived among us, experienced our life and pain and then died and rose from the dead for you. Can you trust him in all areas of your life?

DIscussion Guidelines

Sex is a sensitive topic. It gets to the core of one’s identity and value. Many have been terribly wounded in this area. The church as a whole, instead of being a haven of care and a safe place to discuss and deal with sex issues, it has often been condemning and even hateful to the “sinners”…full of self-righteousness.

In any apologetic discussion, we need to ask questions, listen closely and attempt to understand where the person is at the present time and where they are coming from. Often we need to listen more than talk. This is especially true when it comes to the issue of sex and sexual behavior.

There is often a need for us to ask for forgiveness on behalf of Christians for the way this person has been treated. And to maintain a stance and tone of grace and humility, acknowledging that we too need forgiveness as we offer the love and forgiveness of Jesus to others.

Possible Questions

  • Why do you ask this question?
  • Are there ways that you have been hurt by Christians concerning sex?
  • Have you found your sexual experience to be satisfying? Fulfill your deep longings?
  • What do you think it means to love and be loved?
  • Have you ever considered that you are being “used” by someone with whom you are having sex?
  • What do you long for?
  • What are you afraid of?
  • What benefits do you see for waiting for sex with in the commitment of marriage?

Additional Resources

Why do you think sex is something our culture obsesses over and the fear as it relates to Christianity?

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